the test or its you yourself...?

Bismillah...

Moga sentiasa dalam lindungan rahmat Yang Esa dan amalan yang sentiasa diberkatiNya.

Oyeah... I'm sorry for all the ting-tong things that u'll faced later on... Put all the picisan and all those unnecessary things aside, and let CRY-OUT-LOUD.. and not forget to those who celebrate the Deepavali, happy dewali and those who are not, happy holiday (since the place where i am staying now were having  a holiday =p ).. and those who were not apply for both condition, well, life goes on.. do your best and have fun, ey...!

And yes... this time, I would like to talk 'bout a ting-tong-things that have turn me upside down. Dan sengaja saya letak tajuk sebegitu. Terasa gempak walaupun sebenarnya tak pun.

*dan sebetulnya, saya rindu untuk menulis sesuatu yang sangat-sangat cheesy bila mereka-mereka yang tak sealiran dengan pemikiran saya akan membacanya sampai muntah hijau. haha... i loved to do all those things, =)

Bila bicara tentang workload, masing-masing punya workload sendiri yang mana telah diberi tanggungjawab untuk digalas dipikul dan bukan dipukul. Kan? Nak atau tak, we have to. Macamana sekalipun kalau dah tanggung, kena juga jawab walau macamana sekalipun. itu dah memang termaktub dalam mana-mana disiplin hidup.

The real things that we have faced actually gives us many pro and cons. Good and bad. Advantages and disadvantages. 

Sebab Allah tak cipta halangan, ujian, cabaran dan yang sewaktu dengan nya bukan untuk tujuan yang tidak memberi makna kepada hidup kita.. tapi untuk kita percaya dan yakin dengan apa yang ada disebaliknya. Mungkin sesetengah orang ada pertikai kenapa setiap ujian itu terlalu mencabar untuk mereka hadapi, sedangkan mereka terasa capability untuk mereka hadapi itu tersangatlah mustahil. Sedangkan, Allah dah janji apa yang Dia hadiahkan adalah sesuai dengan kemampuan hambanya. Apa yang yang membezakan sesorang itu adalah cara mereka menerima ujian itu.

Pernah suatu ketika, saya diuji dengan sesuatu yang tak pernah dijangka. And it seem miraculous. Because the way I were accepting the  trial was like "Allah nak uji aku sebab aku dah banyak dosa." And it totally feels comfort with the trial because rasa syukur itu mengatasi beban masalah yang dihadapi. 

Mungkin ainya kedengaran sedikit riak (or its me who feel so) sebab perasaan itu seperti disayangi dan sebab sayang itu kita faham yang DIA nak uji sejauh mana kemampuan kita menghadapinya. Dan sejauh mana rasa rindu dan syukur yang kita lahirkan untuk DIA. Ianya bukan sekadar kata-kata, tapi lebih dari itu.

Dan sebenarnya bila kepala terasa tepu dengan segala macam benda, akan sampai satu tahap yang mana kita memulakan pekerjaan itu, dan pertengahannya akan tergantung. *seperti apa yang sedang berlaku semasa sedang menaip entri ini… wakakaka… help me!!!

[susah payah seorang ibu]

Dan situasi saya sekarang, I'm feeling like quitting the journey. But, hey, dear self, even quitting this path, you have to face another path that may be worse than you're doing now. Ni cara saya nak pujuk diri untuk terus pada jalan sekarang dan untuk lihat penghujung yang sinarnya semakin menyerlah dengan usaha yang berterusan. Ahaks.!

And I know I already half the way of this journey eventhough I just started. It was because of the journey were started early in advance. And I know that He want me to 'give' something to my mother as well as my father. Hope this might give you a satisfaction so that I can have your bless for dunya and hereafter.

"I dah half way, so why bother to back off apabila dah tak nampak starting point tu. itu bermaksud I dah melangkah jauh, jadi kenapa mesti memenatkan diri untuk patah balik. kan? yet I have all my friends there through thick and thin, masa tu I sedar bukan I sorang je yang 'nak hidup'. Sebab tu rasa seronok dan teruja itu datang balik." 

[Dania, SiMata Bundar by Amany]

And it is me who asked for it. So, my mother did her best untuk jahit lab coat ni. Memang saya takkan cakap benda ni kat mak saya. Saya paksa dia siapkan lab coat ni  sebelum saya officially a part of the institution. Yeah, I know, I am that bad...heehee.. The reason for it were for my birthday present and also, I can feel her effort through the journey so that i could not easily give up when the obstacles do faced me. I'm sorry, mother for all my wrongdoing.. Thank you for everything and sorry for my wrongdoing.

The Script - If You Could See Me

To the doc that I've bumped to his blog and found this song that actually do tell everyone 'bout your problem, be strong. There were no trial that have no solution. Just the time matter much. Pray for them and let them do embrace the love that have had they have once. I never thought that your life was full of thorn. 

*dear column, please do well for my mother's sake...

Dear column,

Please do well for my mother’s sake.

Dear compounds,

Please spare me for your presence.

All I do was for my mother. She has been waiting for me since yesterday. And since her daughter doesn’t ring her yet eventhough the time oready past the time that she usually call her, she do worried ‘bout me… I know she do miss me even she never say so. And you will know the mother instinct if you do love her much more than your life.

Sorry mama for not making it on time.

*feeling x sabar nak balik jumpa mak...!

Lastly, bukan hanya kesedihan, rasa berat  dan sewaktu dengannya yang bergelar ujian. Tapi masa lapang, senyuman kita dan juga kerdipan mata kita juga mungkin menjadi ujian dan cabaran untuk kita. Ingat Allah sentiasa ada untuk hambaNya. Just belive in HIM and pray for it.

p/s: Sorry for the bahasa. This is the way of me, myself and i don practicing eventhough Iknow it was not that good.