Spell of Love

Assalamualaikum and hi...

Semoga sentiasa  dalam rahmat Allah Azzawajalla hendaknya... Amin..

The title comes out from the Wrecking Ball lyrics since I am listening to it at the first hit on this entry.

Allahu.

Truly true, we hardly can spell the love in right term. Eventhough the situation sounds enough to face it. But we will never spell it right… this is me…

In this current circumstance, love is being such a word with beauty and pain as well..

In the meantime, I do wonder myself, if I really deserve enough to have it.

Most of the time, I sucked myself in giving and return this one full feeling…

The self-control as well as my self-destruction were aware of what have been in me.

And to say it worst, for time being, I am really not myself in expressing any feeling. The stresses are everywhere. The seeking for stress reliever was failed, and I myself destroyed myself thru every single kicking seconds.

Yes, it’s killing for what have I feel.

And not knowing how to move on. It just stuck on the earth.

I know this some sort of blabbering…. But I’ve had enough with people. Never knew that I’ll start to feel boring towards people…

Maybe my current situation; which means I am not good in relationship.

Habluminallah, habluminannas, habluminal ‘alami.

Allahu..this way of feeling make me sick..  on how to control myself, on how to react to other..

Yes, we ourselves have our own fight.. our own circumstances.

And along with it, comes the surrounding to test and also to keep us on track…

You need to open up a bit for the light…

Allahu..

Allahu… bantu aku ya Allah…

just a random on me, in these stressful situation and relation..

On This Dot..

Assalamualaikum and hi...

Moga sentiasa dalam lindungan RahmatNya..  Amin...

Allahu....

Penat mengejar waktu
Lelah terduduk menanti hari
Biar berdarah luka dihati
Andai diri masih teguh dalam pimpinanMu

Penat menjalar tiada tara
Ku hitung bilah luka di dada
Andai ku kira batas waktu
Masih bersisa dihujung buku

Siang berganti malam menari
Irama indah penuh syahdu
Duhai diri duhai hati
Teguh berdiri menanti waktu

Usah hiba menjawab luka
Andai dunia penuh rasa
Ku kira rasa ku kira bahagia
Bila hati penuh bunga

Bunga bukan sebarang bunga
Bunga liar tumbuh ditaman
Rasa bukan sebarang rasa
Bila rasa bercampur rawan..

t͆h͆e͆ t͆r͆u͆t͆h͆ i͆s͆ ..
S͆a͆y͆a͆ p͆e͆n͆a͆t͆ d͆e͆n͆g͆a͆n͆ t͆e͆r͆m͆ s͆a͆i͆n͆t͆i͆f͆i͆k͆ d͆a͆n͆ m͆u͆n͆g͆k͆i͆n͆ t͆e͆r͆l͆a͆m͆p͆a͆u͆ p͆e͆n͆a͆t͆ d͆e͆n͆g͆a͆n͆ d͆a͆t͆e͆l͆i͆n͆e͆s͆. D͆i͆t͆a͆m͆b͆a͆h͆ d͆e͆n͆g͆a͆n͆ i͆d͆e͆a͆ m͆e͆nu͆l͆i͆s͆ y͆a͆n͆g͆ d͆a͆t͆a͆n͆g͆n͆y͆a͆ u͆m͆p͆a͆m͆a͆ s͆i͆p͆u͆t͆ m͆a͆b͆u͆k͆ l͆a͆u͆t͆... Y͆a͆n͆g͆ h͆a͆n͆y͆a͆ d͆a͆t͆a͆n͆g͆ s͆e͆k͆e͆r͆a͆t͆ d͆e m͆i͆ s͆e͆k͆e͆r͆a͆t͆..

a⃠l⃠l⃠a⃠h⃠u⃠....
B⃠a⃠n⃠t⃠u⃠ l⃠a⃠h⃠ d⃠e⃠n⃠g⃠a⃠n⃠ i⃠l⃠m⃠u⃠ p⃠e⃠n⃠g⃠e⃠t⃠a⃠h⃠u⃠a⃠n⃠M⃠u⃠.. P⃠i⃠n⃠j⃠a⃠m⃠k⃠a⃠n⃠ d⃠a⃠k⃠u⃠ k⃠e⃠b⃠i⃠j⃠a⃠k⃠s⃠a⃠n⃠a⃠a⃠n⃠M⃠u⃠. A⃠n⃠u⃠g⃠e⃠r⃠a⃠h⃠k⃠a⃠n⃠l⃠a⃠h⃠ d⃠a⃠k⃠u⃠ k⃠e⃠l⃠a⃠p⃠a⃠n⃠g⃠a⃠n⃠ w⃠a⃠k⃠t⃠u⃠ d⃠a⃠n⃠ k⃠e⃠t⃠e⃠n⃠a⃠n⃠g⃠a⃠n⃠ h⃠a⃠t⃠i⃠ s⃠e⃠t⃠e⃠r⃠u⃠s⃠n⃠y⃠a⃠, m⃠u⃠d⃠a⃠h⃠k⃠a⃠n⃠ l⃠a⃠h⃠ u⃠r⃠u⃠s⃠a⃠n⃠ k⃠u⃠ j⃠u⃠a⃠...
J⃠a⃠d⃠i⃠k⃠a⃠n⃠l⃠a⃠h⃠ j⃠a⃠l⃠a⃠n⃠ k⃠u⃠ i⃠n⃠i⃠, j⃠a⃠l⃠a⃠n⃠ y⃠a⃠n⃠g⃠ m⃠a⃠m⃠p⃠u⃠ m⃠e⃠m⃠b⃠a⃠n⃠t⃠u⃠ a⃠g⃠a⃠m⃠a⃠M⃠u⃠, Y⃠a⃠ A⃠l⃠l⃠a⃠h⃠....
a̾m̾i̾n̾n̾n̾..

Post-date

Assalamualaikum and hi...

Semoga, hari ini memberi sinar baru untuk kita-saya, awak dan semua.
Semoga juga hidup kita sentiasa dalam rahmat Allah Azawajalla... Amin..

**try to play Kehidupan by In-Team... Sebab entry kali ni, ditemani lagu ni semasa typing process.. Followed by Setelah Aku Dipaling by Rast...
**dalam usaha memperkasakan nasyid dodulu...wink (^_−)☆..

Post date after one ofy besties wedding ceremony..

This is the story... Since she is one of my besties, i hope to attend the akad ceremony.. Walaupun tak kenal sapa pun kat majlis tu, selain drpd the bride herself... Teruk kan.. 

Tapi turn out, we were late for the ceremony and just before rombongan 'belarok' (rombongan pengantin) sampai... Sebenarnya nak cerita yang sebelum tu..

Tapi dah lupa... Tapi kira hot topic utk orang-orang baya saya yang masih bujang trang tang tang ni... 

Pointnya, jodoh itu hak Allah... Dan kalau kita persoalkan nya, umpama kita mempertikaikan taqdir yang Allah dah tentukan untuk kita. Danbukan mudah untuk menjawab isu ini bila yang bertanyakan itu,, dah masuk kategori elders..

Dan mungkin agak kasar bila soalan y ditanya itu,, kita menjawab dengan jawapan yang boleh dikatakan agak 'pandai'. Maaf ye..

Dan jawapan saya  masih sama. Dari dulu hingga kini. 

Urusan jodoh, urusan Allah. Memang kita kena cari, tapi Allah dah tetapkan yang terbaik untuk membentuk flow hidup kita. Dan sebetulnya, susah untuk kami yang bersikap macam saya ni, untuk pandang jantina berbeza. Apatah lagi untuk memulakan langkah. Sebab kami dibesarkan dengan adab dan sifat yang menjaga batas. Saya tak kisah, mungkin ada yang berkata masih hidup di zaman kuno, yang tidak meluaskan pandangan dan tidak cuba untuk keluar dari kepompong... Tapi, sekali lagi saya tekankan,, kami diajar untuk menjaga pandangan.. Dn saya, sebetulnya takut dengan pandangan diri sendiri sebab dikaburi dengan semua kacamata dan perspektif yang pelbagai. Dan bukan mudah untuk menapis setiap pandangan itu. Percayalah..

Dan jawapan saya juga;

Jodoh saya, GPS dia rosak... Kalu baik sekalipun, dia masih sibuk dengan 'jalan lain' sebab tu sampai sekarang tak jumpa saya. Dan saya pun ada GPS juga... Mungkin belum sampai masanya lagi untuk GPS saya meluruskan jalan kearah itu. Dab semuanya,, saya serahkan pada Yang Maha Kuasa untuk tetapkan  jalan kami...

*met my twin from school back then.

Sebetulnya saya rindu semua sahabat, kawan, teman, dan yang pernah ajar saya erti kehidupan dalam kacamata berbeza.  

Dan sungguh, jumpa this person will always remind me of the school session. The happiness. The joyful moments, the sad and sorrow we go thru together. Hand in hand.

Stand as one and hold tight till end. Dan hujungnya, kita berpisah.

Allahu.

Moga kalian semua teguh di jalanNya pada tika ini. Saat yang sukat itu, insyallah, Dia balas dengan manis di penghujungnya...

Ya Allah, Kau jagalah kami supaya tetap dijalanMu...

Amin.

[just]

Assalamualaikum and hi...

I just wanna give a short spill..

I have a dream, a song to sing (westlife ft serina - I have a dream~ the ost of this post)

Seeing the rooftop,

The darker night,
The shiny stars,
The nice weather,
The hamparan alas dan bantal,
With
The one who can stay silent with me at the moment,
The one who can enjoy the scene,
The one who can make time flies fast but in a gold precious moment,
The one who can hold me in silent
The one who can hug me with all my insecurities and my dark side

With the oppurtunities given..
We'll create the moment,
We'll stay till the sun gaze
We'll have the time to give and take
We'll have each other thru thick and thin
We'll hold together, comes the obstacle..

As long we have the same faith..
Hold me till jannah, will you...?

No matter whi you are to me, and who am I to you...
Hold me, dont let go, and let support each other coz,
A loner will easily broke than the merrier...

*credit to ig's owner

The Real Contengan of Mine

Assalamualaikum and hi...

Saya doakan semoga awak dan saya sentiasa dalam rahmat Allah... dan juga doa saya yang satu, semoga awak dan saya sentiasa istiqomah walau dalam apa jua, as long we did it for redho's Allah Azzawajalla... Amin....

Dan, terasa dah lama tak jenguk my ranting, chanting and writing site, ey…! Dan dah rasa sangat berhabuk dengan sawang-sawang dan juga segala semak samun yang teruk menjalar, bukan hanya di dinding blog, tapi juga hati dan tuan tanah juga… Haaa…! This was one big hell teruk post yang I think the real one contengan of mine.

Lately, I’ve been in some sort of deep thinking (blergggghhh) and I’ve come to some conclusion…  and recently, the moods were swings like hell, like crazy waves on the oceans *ceewwaaahhh…!

For sometimes, I’ve been talking to myself, BIG times to reflect on my acts, on my deeds, on my relationship thru people, or me myself. Considering the situations, I need to jot down everytime I feel down just to reflect on me…

-today-

Fefeeling balik appointment gg like-- musim luruh in the air... Cun seyh tgk dedaun kuning dok gugur menyentuh bumi..

Tapi x lama.. Sebab org MPKB mai sapu...

Xpela.. Xleh nk berangan lelama

Biar sedar sikit, kaki yang tegak berdiri tu, x lama pun pada satu tempat...

U need to move to let other experienced it...

If they feel so…

-a lil bit later-

Marah hanya satu perasaan,

the way you handle it is the way to reveal who you really are.

One famous saying did says that ‘put yourself in someone shoes’

How can you do it to make others clear if you did not show how your shoes was..

I’ve been thinking that kalua tunjuk keadaan kasut, and yet she does not want to understand, so, how was it..?

-yesterday-

[it just...]
hidup ni, kita akan hadap macam2 perangai orang..

tak tengok jauh....

diri sendiri pun dah banyak ragam, 
dan tak semua akan suka dengan kita...

dan hidup ini, bukan menongkat langit
dan bukan juga berpasak bumi dengan tetap tanpa goyah

-few days back-

we do the reflections to ourselves.. 
either we faced it or other's experienced

otherwise, 
it is an advices or judgements..
try hard not to judge, especially in kaca-mata negatif..

try hard, harder and even harder..
we need His Guide to do the 'filter' part...
-believes-

[today's capsule]

Kebaikan itu bukan dari kesempurnaan, bukan dari mereka yang sempurna. Kebaikan itu sendiri hakikatnya datang dari kesilapan, dari mereka yang pernah buat kesilapan.

[elvroseth: retold lll]

Biarkan masa depan itu datang dengan sendirinya dan jangan terlalu cemas dengan hari esok. Sekiranya anda melakukan yang terbaik pada hari ini, pastikan hari esok yang terbaik juga- Dr Aidh Abdullah Al-Qarni

[jangan pertikai ikhlasnya seseorang andai nilai ikhlas itu sendiri tak kau hayati...

aku lah tu...!]

I need not any reality shows to make me laugh...
I need not any sad song or stories to cry over...
I need not any sort of unnecessary relationship to have commitments...

Just being me is enough..
And also, having you as my friends and families is completing me as a 'me'..

Thank you, and may Allah bless we all.. 
And
Thanks to Him, who make our path crosses and we met beautifully in His guidances and fate..

Stay strong no matter what happen...

[today's reminder]

[+] Sebenarnya, awak solat selama hari ini lebih kepada kasih kepada tuhan atau rasa tangggungjawab atau dah adat pada diri?

[-] ....

[+] Solat itu tiang agama. Tapi, orang yang tidak ikhlas dalam solat itu umpama pakai tiang plastik je. Tak kukuh nak tampung amalan yang entah baiknya banyak atau buruknya yang lebih.

::elvroseth::

I've learnt this new term:

Eccedentesiast - people who hide pain behind a smile

-hari-hari lalu-

Seorang sahabat menegur dengan nada rendah,

"Ubat terbaik bila terasa down, terasa kosong, rasa macam stress tapi tak tau stress pasal apa, sebenarnya kita perlu sujud lama2. Tu, insyallah ubat terbaik."

Nasihat atas nasihat yang diquote drpd ustazah penceramah, dituturkan dengan nada lembut, tapi saat ini, zapppp. Menusuk qalbu..

Allahu...

[today's capsule]

Kebaikan itu bukan dari kesempurnaan, bukan dari mereka yang sempurna. Kebaikan itu sendiri hakikatnya datang dari kesilapan, dari mereka yang pernah buat kesilapan.

[elvroseth: retold lll]

"Kenapa menipu ?"

"Sebab tidak semua orang boleh menerima realiti"

~Elvroseth : Philophobia

::some part of the reality without realize the consequences..

todays's capsule:

“You can close your eyes to the things you don’t want to see but you can’t close your heart to the things you don’t want to feel.”

"Experience is never limited, and it is never complete; it is an immense sensibility, a kind of huge spider web of the finest silken threads suspended in the chamber of consciousness, and catching every air-borne particle in its tissue"

~~Henry James 1843-1916

-old times-

sedarkah kita bahawa kita sebenarnya hidup disebabkan doa orang lain...?
kalau dikenang2 kan kembali, antaranya:
-doa ibubapa terhadap anak2 mereka
-setiap ucapan hari lahir yang terluah
-bila tiba musim exam
-saat ditimpa musibah
-permulaan episod baru hidup
-even time orang bagi salam >>assalamualaikum (salam sejahtera keatasmu)
:: mungkin selama ini, doa2 itu yang Allah SWT tunaikan terlebih dahulu selain daripada doa kita sendiri...
so...
terima kasih kepada yang sering mendoakan saya... Moga Allah SWT sentiasa merahmatimu dan redhaNya sentiasa mengiringimu, duhai saudaraku, sahabat, teman dan taulan...

~Allahu...!

25th on 26th

Assalamualaikum dan hi… Semoga sentiasa dalam lindungan rahmat Yang Esa hendaknya.. Juga semoga Allah ease everything come hell or high water thru this journey of life... Dan sesungguhnya segala pengharapan, kebergantungan dan juga rasa yang kita ada, sedang hadapi ini dan juga kelangsungan masa depan hanya untuk Allah Azzwajalla semata... And I really hope for that.. Sebab kita hanya insan yang lemah, yang sering lupa dan lalai dengan urusan kehidupan yang hanya ujian semata...

This just a random post, maybe, just to wish me for my anniversary..

Alhamdulilllah for these breaths, for this life, for this love, for this sweetness, for this struggle and all together that make me as a ME through these day, back and onwards. Dengan harapan yang saya yang baru ini, punya semangat yang makin kental untuk terus perbaiki diri dan tetap istiqomah dalam setiap perubahan.

[thanks to QuranicQuotes.com]

I’ve been reading some random short stories on my favorite author’s blog last night. And it did ring me a bell on my current condition, situation and relation. Aduhai.. Saat baca short story tu, berderu-deru air mata turun. Yeah, at some points, being an author can touched someone hearts. Just through your writing, you can gain some deeds for your akhirah. And I always hope that my writings also can give some 'lights' to other... Reality. I’ve been triggered ‘that light’ by some other authors. Always. And I always hope so, for my writing. Sekalipun tak ada yang mampu trigger ‘that light’ through their inner self, at least, bila saya baca balik apa yang saya conteng, mampu buatkan saya terfikir balik.. Apa, kenapa dan semua persoalan yang kembali timbul.

Berbalik kepada post by Elvroseth. True, that story, at least trigger some of my conscious of being at this level. And how she can relate the story with seerah… How to make it as interesting, like a novel for a person like me, to understand something with a soul. Lively. Meaningfully. And the storyline was, amazingly, want to make me to re-read the surah and their meaning. For a better understanding, for a better picture. Yes, there will be a switch to turn on everything. And she did make me wonder through her storyline:

• What have my study did contribute to ummah.
• What have I done that can relate to islam.
• What can I explain when others ask about my religion. Is it just enough with the knowledge that is so little in me.

Ya Allah… Rasa itu, macam menampar kuat deria sedar dan menerajang halus lubuk hati dengan comfort zone yang sememangnya melalaikan kita. Allah..!

Dan paling terkesan dengan ayat ni:

“Ego manusia itu, tinggi, Yusuf”

 Retold (lll) - Yuosuf

Allah, sungguh… kenyataan ini perit untuk di telan sorang-sorang tanpa ada yang sedarkan. Disebabkan kita berada dalam zon selesa, susah untuk kita sedar sebenarnya ego kita dah tinggi melangit. Yang sampai tahap, orang sekeliling tak suka atau mungkin sampai tahap benci untuk tatap wajah kita, dengar suara kita bahkan bila dengar nama kita. Allah, perasaan itu, sakit sangat.
Dan selepas baca that short stories, yang seriously rasa tertampar, dan berganda-ganda rasa sakit tamparan tu dengan other statement direct to my ears. Oh Allah...! 
I never known that kalau terlebih memberi perhatian kepada sesuatu, rupanya, ia adalah membebankan. Allah..! rasa perit berganda bila niat kita disalah tafsirkan. Allah, sakit sungguh.

Akhir kata, I’ve been repeating this  part of Photograph, Ed Shereen to soothe me for the direct lines.
And if you hurt me That's ok baby, only words bleedInside these pages you just hold meAnd I won't ever let you go..Wait for me to come home~~~
And I always love you no matter what..!
And lastly, my bad, my really bad things is timing. I don’t know how to manage my own timing in explaining things. My act to wait for explaining things always turn me to a really bad situation. Never thought it will turn so bad.. So, for a future me, I really hope for a better timing in resolving my own circumstances.

Ma’assalamah…!

me~

Assalamualaikum and Hi...

Hope to be blessed by Him for past, present and future... Insyallah..

~~~

I touched my eyes, its blink

I reach my heart, its beat

I smell the scent, it is diverse

I draw my mind, it go wild.

What did I do

Where will I go

Who will be with me

Through this long journey

Befriend me the best

For me to not got to different paths

Tired on this road

Yet surrounds did not know me

Despite try to understand me

One never been in my shoes.

Tired on this road

As the one of high expectation

As high level like others thought

As the one that used to live

I've ruined the rainbow

I touched my eyes and its raining

I reached my heart and its bleed

I smell the scent and its ever nice

I draw my mind and its beyond control.

p/s: this pieces was due to the uncontrollably of the adrenaline rush from Velvet di Durham by Aishah Madidy... such a good novel that drew back my interest in literature... Its been long time since I am into poetry... I miss the moment to relate everything. I miss the moment to draw the imagination through words. I miss the moment to  imagine the scenes. Line by line. Words by words. poured everything.

And through this good, I've found this.

"credo ergo posum"

~I believe, therefore I can~

and my expectation on my own piece instead of the 'running' thesis was like reaching the end of the ocean with a chain on the beach... hard to achieve for this moment. Just wait for the right time, to let out the right things to the right medium with the right, fresh idea..

-take care on this season onward-